Addiction recovery and dating

As the Big Book explains it, a personal inventory works much like a business inventory, similar to when a store owner sorts through his or her goods to see which are salable, which are damaged, and which have to be thrown out.When PIRs do a personal inventory, they list the things--their thoughts, feelings, character traits, and behaviors--that stand in the way of recovery and those personal strengths that can help in recovery.It is obviously very important, therefore, for PIRs to identify and release their resentments in a constructive way.My friend Paul told me about helping PIRs make "resentment lists." He said at first they'll say "heck no, I don't have any resentments," until they actually start listing the people and things that make them angry.This category also gets the PIR thinking about how they were inconsiderate with their partner, how they might have been jealous or suspicious, or how they might have cheated on their partner.Paul told me that, for him, the easiest part was to remember and list all the people he had harmed.Many PIRs [people in recovery] also need help establishing healthy relationships.

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When it comes to an addiction disorder, deceit, manipulation, and friendships with fellow drinking or drugging buddies are too often the rule, rather than the exception.It was harder for him to admit the sexual harms he'd done and the people he'd used when he was still drinking.But he said he needed to face those things if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship--sexual and otherwise--in the future.Paul said that the more thorough the list, the better, in order to make sure the PIR deals with any smoldering resentments (or other thoughts and feelings) that might creep out later in an unhealthy way.The moral inventory in Step Four gives PIRs a practical tool for honestly and courageously facing how their addictive actions may have hurt others and harmed themselves in the process.

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